


If The World Was Ending

by DRHPaints



Category: Barry (TV 2018), Bill Hader - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Brief mention of blood and injury, Cunnilingus, Ex Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heartache, Heavy Angst, Knowledge of Upcoming Death, One Shot, Pending Death, Pining, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26657095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Barry knows that tomorrow he is likely to die, the Chechens seeking vengeance for the massacre at the monastery. For his last night, he wants nothing more than to spend it with Valerie. The problem: Valerie and Barry broke up months before when she discovered his true profession. Barry begs Valerie to let her see him, and for one final time, he finds solace in her arms.
Relationships: Barry Berkman/Original Female Character(s), Barry Block/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	If The World Was Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by erdankely. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Title is based on a song of the same name by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels as suggested by the individual who made this fic request.

Staring down at his phone, Barry’s thumb hovered over Valerie’s name and he sighed. It was four months since they last spoke. Valerie was more than clear that she never wanted to hear from him again, but this was his last chance.

Tomorrow Barry would be walking into a situation he couldn’t foresee, much less control, but he knew the outcome wasn’t likely to be in his favor. The Chechens found out who slayed the monastery’s worth of men. Not only did they know his name, his face, but they knew where Barry lived. They knew about the acting class, torturing the information from NoHo Hank until he talked. Barry didn’t hold it against him, he couldn’t. The weight of guilt when Hank came to his door at three a.m. that morning, limping and bleeding, to tell Barry of the danger he was in, was far too great.

Sure, Barry could run. Take the money under his mattress and flit off to some country that didn’t allow extradition, try to carve out a new life. But if Barry did that, he might as well level the gun at Hank’s head himself, for there was no doubt in his mind the Chechen’s would realize he tipped him off and punish him accordingly. For that reason, Barry made a decision. He wasn’t going to wait around to be hunted like some frightened animal. Barry was going to walk straight into the new Chechen compound, and face whatever may come. 

So Barry sat on the edge of his bed, thinking over all those silly things people say they would do if they had one day left to live. See the Grand Canyon. Go sky diving. Visit the Eiffel Tower. 

But Barry only wanted one thing. To see Valerie. He remembered when they first met. A friend of Sasha’s, Valerie came into Lululemon one day to abuse her discount so she could get an outfit for an upcoming marathon. 

Ringing her up while Sasha helped an aggressive soccer mom find a pair of leggings, Barry couldn’t help but notice how incredibly attractive Valerie was and smiled.

“So what kind of marathon are you doing?” Barry asked as he scanned a pair of leggings. 

“Oh, it’s to benefit Vets with mental health issues.” Valerie threaded an errant strand of crimson hair behind her ear. “You know, PTSD and things like that. Helps them find jobs, housing, other resources so they can reacclimate to society when they get back from overseas.”

Hands pausing, Barry grinned. “Oh...that’s...that’s really admirable of you.” He bobbed his head. “I’m a Vet so...I think that’s really important.”

“Oh yeah?” Curvaceous red lips spreading into a wide smile, Valerie tilted her head and Barry noticed her eyes were a particularly dazzling shade of green. “What branch? I’m not a Vet, but my whole family is, that’s one of the reasons I do this.”

“Marines.” Barry folded the sports bra and put it into the bag.

Valerie lifted an eyebrow, looking him up and down. “Impressive.”

Barry shrugged humbly and completed her purchase, charging her card and giving her the receipt to sign. As Valerie was about to leave, Barry cleared his throat. “Hey so, if I wanted to...donate. Or...or come watch the marathon…” Barry swallowed, dark blue eyes shifting. “Could I get your phone number to get the details? Maybe?”

Smiling, a pink hue rose to Valerie’s cheeks and she nodded, taking out her phone. They exchanged information and Barry did indeed go to the marathon, a sweaty Valerie agreeing to accompany him to coffee afterward.

When they started dating, things went well for quite a while. Valerie was kind, funny, and compassionate. Unlike some of his previous relationships, Valerie had grace for Barry’s baggage. Nightmare crashing over him after the first time they slept together, Barry was embarrassed as he sat on the edge of the bed, tears drying on his face. But Valerie held him, gently rocking Barry back to sleep and whispering, _“I’m right here. I’m right here.”_

A freelance writer, Valerie’s schedule allowed her to come to any and every performance Barry had, and she was always encouraging, but never false, which he appreciated. He noticed over time she would give him ‘compliment sandwiches’ regarding his acting and Barry loved it. Valerie would say one glowing remark, wedge in one small constructive criticism, and end with a bout of tumbling praise. Used to everyone outside of the acting class simply saying nice, commonplace things and never giving him any useful feedback, Barry found Valerie refreshing.

And she requested the same from him, timidly approaching Barry one afternoon, Valerie held out a stack of papers and explained it was the novel she’d been working on. Touched that she trusted him with such precious content, Barry sat down and read it cover to cover until his eyes were dry and the sun was peeking through the blinds. Sharing his thoughts, Valerie listened carefully and took notes, and Barry blinked at her in surprise, prominent dark eyebrow rising. No one ever cared what his perspective was on literature before. Or anything academic, really. Valerie made him feel like his opinion was valuable.

But the first time he knew he loved her was so trivial that, looking back, it almost made Barry laugh. Having just finished lunch, Barry and Valerie were walking out of a restaurant, Barry’s hand on the small of her back when Valerie paused, staring down at a table they were passing.

“Oh, that’s awful.” She frowned.

“Hmm?” Barry turned toward her in confusion.

Valerie pointed at a receipt for some customer or another showing a total of $19.87, for which they’d only left a twenty dollar bill. “That’s the same waitress we had.” Shaking her head, Valerie rummaged in her purse and pulled out a five, slapping it on the table before tugging on Barry’s hoodie. “Okay, let’s go.” Looking after her, Barry tilted his head and smiled before following Valerie to the car. The thought, ‘ _Damn, I love that woman’_ floating through his head and surprising him before Barry even had a chance to recognize it. 

The first time Barry told Valerie he loved her, however, wasn’t nearly as pleasant. The two of them went to Sasha’s New Year’s Eve party together, driven by Antonio, and when they arrived Nick suggested the group play a round of quarters. Not someone who typically drinks hard alcohol, Barry got more intoxicated than he planned and soon was laughing loudly, arm around Valerie as they enjoyed the comfortable atmosphere of the celebration. 

It was around eleven when a tallish blond man came in, bottle of champagne hoisted in the air, greeting Sasha with open arms. “Oh shit.” Valerie muttered under her breath.

”What?” Barry blinked at her, trying to keep Valerie in focus and thinking he should probably eat something.

“Nothing.” Valerie shook her head. “Just my ex, Todd.”

“Hmm.” Peering across the room, Barry nodded. Later when he got up to go to the bathroom, Barry came back to see Valerie standing against a wall, Todd’s arm resting above her as they talked and laughed. Something in him snapped as he stumbled over, tapping Todd on the shoulder.

“Hey buddy.” Barry sniffed.

“Hey.” Todd turned around with a smile.

Valerie began to introduce them. “Todd, this is my boyfriend, Barry. Barry, this is Todd.”

Todd extended a hand. “Hi Barry, nice to meet you.”

Taking his hand and shaking perhaps a little too firmly, Barry replied. “Hello _Todd.”_ Sidling up to Valerie, Barry put an arm around her waist and pulled her close, fingers trailing down to her hip before she gave him a look and subtly edged away.

“So how long have you two been together?” Todd gestured between them.

“About three months.” Nodding, Valerie grinned.

“How long were you together?” Barry asked, note of steel under his voice.

“Oh.” Chuckling, Todd ran a hand through his light hair. “Not long. It was pretty...volatile, huh, Val?” He smirked. “I’m sure you’re a much better match for her than I was.” Todd smiled at Barry.

“Yeah.” Barry replied firmly. “I am.”

Valerie turned to him, eyes wide and mouth a flat line before she faced Todd. “Excuse us, please.” Taking Barry by the arm, she led him toward the refreshments table. “Okay, you need to eat. You’re drunk.”

Nodding, Barry got a plate of food and not long after the ball dropped, Antonio wanting to stay and whoop it up, Valerie requested a car on her phone to take them home. Back at her apartment, she immediately rounded on Barry.

“Okay, what the hell was that back there with Todd?”

At least half sober by that point, Barry shrugged. “What?”

Valerie threw up her hands. “All that macho, posturing bullshit! I don’t like that, Barry.”

“Well I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.” Barry’s voice rose. “He still wants you, Val. Just because you can’t see that…”

Scoffing, Valerie shook her head. “Oh he does _not_ , Barry. And even if he did, that’s not the point. You’re supposed to trust me. You know I would never do anything with anyone else!”

“I do trust you, Val!” Barry took a step forward. “I just don’t trust guys like him.”

Getting in his face, Valerie shouted. “What, so you think I can’t handle myself? That if he came onto me I’d fall all over him and wouldn’t be able to say no? If you say you trust me then what’s the real problem, Barry? _Huh?!_ ”

“ _The problem is I’m fucking in love with you, alright!”_

Words ringing out into the silence, Barry and Valerie stood facing one another and breathing hard. Valerie’s face softened. “You...you are?”

Resting back on his heels, Barry nodded, voice low. “Yeah. I am.”

“I am, too.” Valerie swallowed. “I love you, Barry.”

They made up in the traditional fashion, Barry cautious about his drinking ever since. As the months progressed and he got to know Valerie better, their love deepened. They had their share of fights, of course, but nothing serious until one day Barry came home from a shift at the store, dropping his keys on the kitchen counter. He didn’t see Valerie in the living room, so he called out into the apartment, walking toward the bedroom.

“Hey babe, I picked up some Thai on the...way...back…”

Valerie was sitting on the bed, hands folded in her lap. The mattress was pushed back, secret compartment of the box spring unzipped, exposing the plethora of guns and other paraphernalia below.

Dropping the takeout bag on the floor, Barry swallowed in horror as Valerie’s eyes rose to meet his. “Barry, I…” Her voice was thick and she looked frightened. “I was changing the sheets...and...and I bumped the bed and heard something rattle in there…” Pointing a shaking hand at the weaponry, Valerie lifted it to her brow. “So I unzipped it and, um…” Tears threatened her eyes. “Why…why do you have all this stuff, Barry?”

Mouth working open and closed in silence for a moment, Barry took a step to the side leaning against the doorframe. “Val, I…” Breath catching in his chest, Barry was finding it difficult to breathe and he brought his hands to his face as he slid to the floor. “ _Fuck.”_

“Barry…” Cheeks strewn with tears, Valerie shook her head. “Barry _please_ tell me what’s going on, because…” Crossing her arms, Valerie hugged herself a little. “It looks like…” Covering her mouth, Valerie took a shuddering breath, letting it out slowly, taking another and closing her eyes, voice almost indiscernible when she spoke. “Are you a serial killer, Barry?”

“No, _no_.” Holding up his hands, Barry frantically shook his head. “It’s not that, okay, Val? _Please_. Alright?”

Lowering her hand, Val stared red-faced down at all the tools of his trade. “Then...then why do you need this stuff?”

Tipping his head up to the ceiling, Barry knew he couldn’t look at Valerie as he spoke. “Val,I...it’s not that.” He swallowed. “I use those things for...for work.”

“What kind of...you work at the store though…” Valerie replied in confusion.

Sighing, Barry closed his eyes. “Yeah. But I also...I also do...hits.”

“Like…” Valerie squeaked out. “Like for the mob?”

“Well,” Barry folded his hands. “Not...not the way you’re thinking of, probably. But yeah. I...I only kill bad people, Val. It’s not...I don’t enjoy it. I want to stop. Really.”

Backing up against the headboard as if she couldn’t get far enough away from him, Valerie brought her knees to her chest and buried her face. Barry heard a sob and noticed her shaking. So much of him wanted to cross the room, to put an arm around her, to comfort her, but Barry knew that was the last thing Valerie wanted from him. 

“Barry, you’re…” Wiping her face, Valerie looked up at him through watery eyes. “You talk about it like this is normal. What…” She tossed up her hands. “What am I supposed to do with this, Barry?”

Nose flaring, Barry stared at his own hands, picking away at nothing on his thumb. “I...I guess I can’t answer that for you, Val…” Barry’s voice was small. “I just…” Furrowing his brow, Barry sounded unusual even to his own ears as he continued. ”I don’t...all I can ask is that I hope you won’t turn me in…” 

Silent for a long time, when Valerie responded her voice was no longer tremulous, but dry with fear. “And if...if I wanted to do that, Barry.” Meeting his stormy blue eyes, Valerie swallowed hard. “Are you going to hurt me?”

Barry gazed back at her, face crumpling. “Oh Val, never. No. I…” Inhaling and letting it out slowly, Barry wiped his eyes. “If...if that’s something you feel you have to do.” Barry blinked at her. “I’ll understand, and um…” Looking away, Barry nodded. “I’ll go to prison, or whatever. But I would never, _ever_ hurt you. Never.”

Valerie was quiet. Clearing her throat, she combed back her auburn hair with both hands. “Barry, I…” She sighed. “You know how much I love you and I don’t…” piercing him with her emerald eyes, she shook her head. “I can’t send you to prison. The thought of you rotting away somewhere, it…” Barry saw her lip quivering again and she covered her face for a moment before taking a deep breath. “But I can’t…” Valerie’s eyes traveled to the guns. “I can’t be with someone who...does this, either.”

Mouth falling open, Barry felt vaguely nauseous and slowly nodded his head. “Yeah...yeah, I...I understand.” Pulling his shirt up, Barry wiped his face and stood. Cautiously he walked toward Valerie on the bed, When he extended his large hand in her direction and she flinched, Barry hung his head, fresh tears stinging his eyes. 

Shuffling off the bed, Valerie stood before him, not meeting Barry’s eye. “I’ll...I’ll come get my stuff later, then…” She said softly.

Throat tight, Barry nodded. “Alright.” Rubbing her elbow with the opposite arm, Valerie turned to leave. “Val…” Barry whispered. She paused. “I love you.” Nodding, Valerie didn’t face him before she walked out of Barry’s apartment and his life.

Now as he contemplated his phone, Barry thought about Valerie’s smile, the way she laughed with her whole body, never holding back, the sweet pea and citrus scent of her unruly scarlet hair that was constantly getting in his face. Composing the message, Barry figured he literally had nothing to lose.

Barry: _Hey Val, how are you? Can we talk? It’s important._

He stared expectantly down at his phone, then after a couple of minutes Barry realized how foolish that was, particularly as he didn’t even know whether or not Valerie blocked his number at that point. Deciding to try and distract himself, he went to the kitchen and made a box of macaroni and cheese, but when it was finished Barry stared at the bowl of cooling noodles, not remotely hungry.

Asking Jermaine if he wanted it, he gladly accepted and Barry went back to his room, flopping down on his bed and closing his eyes, internally planning what little strategy he had for the day to come when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Valerie: _I’m okay. What about?_

Barry: _I’d rather talk in person if that’s alright._

Valerie: _I don’t know how comfortable I am with that._

Barry chewed his lip. He didn’t want to push her, but he was desperate.

Barry: _Please? I promise it won’t take long._

It was a few minutes before Barry saw the dots dancing and Valerie finally reponded.

Valerie: _Okay. If you want to come over in about an hour that’s fine._

Barry: _Thank you. See you then._

Parking outside of Valerie’s apartment, as Barry ascended the stairs he was flooded with memories. Trying to carry 15 bags of groceries up in a single haul like an idiot, only to have one tear and send a broken jar of mayonnaise tumbling down the stairs. The time they came home at two in the morning and a neighbor was passed out on the floor of the hallway and Barry had to help him get back to his apartment, the inebriated fellow loudly belting out Billy Joel’s _Piano Man_ and refusing to enter his abode until Barry and Valerie sang along. All the nights spent with their hands crawling over one another as Valerie attempted to get her key in the door before Barry got his hand down her pants.

Sighing, Barry pressed the buzzer and Valerie’s melodic voice answered. “Hello?”

“Hey...it’s Barry.” Door opening, Barry climbed the stairs to her apartment and Valerie stood, leaning against the frame and not meeting his eye. Hair a bit longer than he recalled, otherwise Valerie was the same, her soft curves beneath a black v-neck and jeans as her delicate arms crossed under her chest.

“Hey Barry…” Voice soft, Valerie shifted her weight to one hip.

“Hi Val.” Standing silently, Barry thought he caught the scent of her perfume, but maybe that was just hopeful imagination.

Valerie lifted a shoulder. “So...what did you want to talk about? Because I’m making dinner, so…”

Clearing his throat, Barry looked at the floor. “Could I...could I come inside, maybe?”

Shaking her head, Valerie chewed her lip. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Barry.”

Fingers resting below hers on the doorframe, Barry leaned forward. “ _Please_ , Val.”

It was the pleading note in Barry’s voice that made her look up. Behind those haunted oceanic eyes, Barry was not the same man Valerie once knew. Thinner, his handsome features, which were always sculpted, now stood out with an almost alarming crispness. A pale man by nature, Barry’s skin appeared nearly gray, and he’d lost more hair in the few months since they parted than he had in the year they’d been together.

Swallowing, Valerie stepped aside. “Yeah...I guess. Just for a minute.”

Crossing the threshold. Barry put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, facing Valerie awkwardly after she closed the door and leaned back against her counter. “Alright…” She broke the silence after a moment. “What did you want to talk about?”

Barry realized that he was so focused on getting here, on getting Valerie to agree to let him inside, that he forgot to make up a fake reason for needing to talk to her. _Shit._ “I just…” Barry began, lifting a broad shoulder. “I wanted to see you, to tell you…” Furrowing his brow, Barry blinked and cleared his throat. “That I...that being with you meant a lot to me and, um…” Staring at the floor, Barry bobbed his head. “That I’m really sorry. For how things ended. For scaring you. Or anything else I might’ve done while we were together. I…” Looking to the ceiling, Barry blinked rapidly, puffing out his cheeks and releasing a slow breath. “I’ll always regret that, and, um...I just...I just needed you to know that I, um…” Taking his hands out of his pockets, Barry’s fingers tapped his thighs and he turned his head to the side, closing his eyes. 

Pausing, when he spoke again his voice was constricted, but Barry was determined to get out the words, knowing his mouth would never again have a chance to form them. “I need you to know how much I still love you, Val.” Barry said quickly, gritting his teeth and causing every muscle in his sharp jaw to pop. “And I’ll miss you, and, um…” Nodding, Barry hurriedly swiped at his eyes and turned on his heels. “Yeah, that’s it. I’ll...I’ll leave you alone now…” Head down and hands in his pockets, Barry made his way toward the door.

Standing in shock, Barry reached the knob before Valerie rushed forward to stop him. “Barry, wait!” She grabbed his arm and turned him around, Barry trying to keep his head facing away from her as tears flowed over his cheeks. “What’s going on?”

Shaking his head, Barry dried his eyes. “Nothing. I just...just needed to say it. I’ll go now…” He took another step but Valerie swerved in front of him, hands on his firm chest.

“Barry…” She peered into his pained sapphire eyes. “Tell me what’s happening.”

Viridescent gaze a pool of concern, Barry shook his head. “I can’t.”

Arms falling to her sides, Valerie took a step back, eyes wide and swallowing hard as a finger of ice slid down her spine. Barry was trembling before her, red-eyed, wasting away, a font of terror as she’d never seen him. Helpless, Valerie flexed her hand open and closed, and did the only thing she knew how to do when someone around her was hurting.

“Are...are you hungry, Barry?” She tilted her head. “You could stay for dinner, if you want.”

“Okay.” Barry responded, sniffing. “That’d be nice. Thank you.”

Padding to the kitchen, Valerie got down plates while Barry sat at the table, studying her. He found her movements so fluid, so graceful. Once Barry came home to find Valerie doing what she called ‘dance-cleaning,’ something she insisted was a singular activity. _Break Free_ by Ariana Grande blasting, she didn’t hear Barry enter and he leaned against the wall, watching her dust in a t-shirt and underwear as she bopped around. Taking out his phone, Barry smirked and started recording Valerie, suppressing a laugh when she picked up the canister of dusting spray and began using it as a microphone. When Valerie spun around after the final chorus, only to scream fitfully as she caught Barry filming, he broke into maniacal giggles, slapping his knee, stomping his foot, and doubling over as she charged at him, frantically yelling, “ _Delete it! Delete it!”_

Lifting a lasagna from the oven, Valerie set it on the pad in the center of the table, and knowing Barry didn’t like the edges as much, cut him a huge piece from the center and served it. Carving off a massive bite, Barry shoved it into his mouth and groaned in delight. “Damn, I missed your cooking.” He grinned, swallowing.

Valerie smiled. Aside from being concerned about his slender visage, she loved to see Barry eat. It seemed no one enjoyed her food quite like Barry. Dark blue eyes falling shut, he would hum around practically every morsel, asking for seconds even if it meant an extra hour at the gym the next day. He constantly complained about never being able to rid himself of his little belly and love handles, blaming Valerie’s skilled culinary hand, but she adored Barry’s body. In her opinion he was the ideal combination of strong and soft, arms able to hoist her effortlessly to bed whenever she fell asleep on the couch after Barry insisted on showing her yet another black and white movie, yet comfortable enough that after they made love Valerie could spend ages cuddling into the warmth of his tummy, fingers trickling through his dark body hair and peppering kisses to his fair skin.

Grateful to see he wanted more, Valerie gave Barry a second slice while she was still working on her first and they ate in companionable silence. When finished, Barry insisted on clearing the dishes away and wrapping up the leftovers, and for a moment he almost felt as if his life rewound six months into the past when, though things weren’t easy, he was under the thumb of the Chechens after all and sneaking around doing hits, lying to Valerie about taking extra shifts at the store and being out with friends, they were good. Barry would fall asleep every night with her in his arms, and he would wake to Valerie’s sleepy green eyes blinking back at him. If only somehow he could get back there, wedge himself in, prevent the clock from turning over to tomorrow, then maybe…

Water running in the sink, Barry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to push away the mounting panic. “Barry?” Valerie rose from the table, tentatively approaching him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Flashing a fake smile, Barry wiped his hands on a kitchen towel. “I’m fine.”

Valerie raised her hand, hesitated, then grasped Barry’s forearm. “Barry, no offense, but…” She tried to force her face into something resembling a grin. “You’re not _that_ great an actor.”

Chuckling sadly, Barry bobbed his head. “Yeah…”

Rubbing the fabric of his shirt between her thumb and forefinger, Valerie blinked. “You...you really won’t tell me what’s going on?”

Risking it, Barry took half a step forward, large hands finding their way to Valerie’s waist as he stared at the floor between them. “I’m sorry…”

“Well…” Valerie leaned in, voice soft. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Resting his forehead to hers, Barry’s lips barely moved. “You already did. I just needed to see you, Val.” _One last time._

Nodding a little, Valerie stepped forward into his arms, eyes closing as Barry’s body encircled her. “I’ve missed you so much.” Barry whispered, rubbing the small of her back.

“Me too.” Voice muffled in his firm chest, Valerie turned into Barry, lips grazing his stubbled jaw as he brushed a kiss to her neck before they pulled back and their mouths fused together, exhaling in relief as their heads tips and their tongues intertwined. Barry’s sizable hand wound into her crimson waves as Valerie draped her arms over his vast shoulders. 

Hands flowing down, Barry hooked his fingers under her thighs and Valerie hopped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist as she licked into his mouth. Carrying her to the bedroom, Barry placed a hand atop Valerie’s head as he crouched to get them through the doorway before they fell down on the mattress.

Mouths moving and hands roaming, Barry ground his growing erection into the warmth between Valerie’s legs, needy and anxious as her hands crawled over his body and peeled his shirt overhead. Pulling her up, Barry lifted off Valerie’s shirt before undoing the zipper of her jeans, tugging them down her hips along with her panties, Valerie tossing her bra aside as Barry shrugged out of his jeans and boxers.

Naked, they scootched up the bed and Barry’s hands trickled over Valerie’s skin. He was determined to touch every inch of her, to memorize her, to soak her in and etch in the deepest recesses of his brain the image, the essence of Valerie, so that whatever horrors may lie before him come daylight, Barry could summon the memory of Valerie’s skin, her taste, her face in his final moments.

Fingers sliding between her thighs, Barry circled Valerie’s clit and she played with his short chestnut hair, hand gliding over his erection. Twirling through her slickness, Barry broke away, studying her face as he coaxed Valerie and she rocked into his hand. “I missed touching you.” Barry murmured, eyes darting over her face.

Nodding, Valerie combed back his hair. “Me too. You feel so good, Barry.”

Hastening his movements, Valerie cupped the back of his neck, capturing Barry’s light pink lips in a kiss and he fought with himself as he wanted to keep watching her, and wanted to keep his mouth against hers at the same time while Valerie clung to his shoulder, moaning as her body started to shake.

“ _Oh Barry! Yes! Barry! Don’t stop!”_ The way her mouth dropped open. Not all at once, but a little at a time, like when Valerie would sing with him in the shower, attempting to reach a high note and miserably failing. The way her eyes clenched shut. Like when Valerie laughed at Barry pretending to be a cat and knocking an empty cup off the coffee table. Even though he’d done the bit at least fifty times before and there was no way she still thought it was funny. The way her fingers gripped his skin. Like when Valerie got excited about a new idea she wanted to write, and Barry was the only person she felt safe telling, so she would describe it to him in detail, Barry smiling back at her brilliance as she painted the picture of her imagination.

Giving Valerie a moment to recover, Barry removed his hand, lips moving over the sensitive skin of her neck and grazing her cheek with his stubble. Cascading his fingers down her body, Barry’s mouth followed shortly after, kissing over the rise of her collarbone, sucking on a nipple, dipping his tongue into her navel, which Valerie was oddly self conscious about, so Barry insisted she allow him to eat chocolate syrup out of it one night, until with a combination of funny faces and tickling, he determinedly made her accept her own flaws.

Laying between Valerie’s legs, Barry kissed her inner thighs before spreading her open with two fingers. He spent a moment just looking at her, reminding himself how much pleasure Valerie imparted him in their time together, before sending his sharp jaw forward, tongue enveloping Valerie’s engorged clit.

Valerie loved the way Barry touched her, the way he tasted her. It reminded her of how he approached many things in his life, particularly acting, with patience, determination, and passion. Never timid or hesitant, Barry lapped and moaned at her sensitive flesh with abandon, his strong hands kneading her ass as he ground himself into the mattress. Valerie suspected he enjoyed it almost as much as she did as she tugged at his short brown locks, hips rutting into his eager face as her moans rose to screams. 

“ _Oh Barry! Just like that! Fuck! Yes!”_ Quaking beneath him, Valerie’s legs rattled and her body jerked as Barry continued to consume her. Digging forth, he clamped his soft lips around her clit and sucked, the sounds of Valerie’s ecstasy written on his bones as his hands began to travel over her body, touching her thighs, her breasts, her arms, even delicately passing over her face with the pads of his fingers. 

Unable to tell quite where one wave ended and the other began, thighs glued to his ears, Valerie humped Barry’s strong jaw, tearing at his scalp and screaming as she dripped down his chin. “ _Barry! Barry! Fuck! Fuck!_ ” Convulsing violently, Valerie’s eyes rolled and she settled back on the pillow, tremors coursing through her as Barry rose and wiped his face, kissing his way back up her body.

Combing back her sweaty hair with both of his large hands, Barry looked into Valerie with his lust-laden cobalt eyes. “I miss making love to you, Val.” Thumb rubbing circles into her temple, Barry’s flinty voice was barely above a whisper.

Valerie stroked his forearm. “Me too, Barry. I…” She swallowed. “I want you inside of me.”

Nodding, Barry positioned himself on top of her, swiping the head of his cock over her entrance a couple of times before looking to Valerie for confirmation. With a smile and a little nod, Barry inched forward with aching slowness, Valerie’s body enveloping him.

Barry remembered their first time together. After the marathon and coffee, he took her on a real date, dinner and a movie, glad when she was willing to sit through Kurosawa’s _Kagemusha_. Valerie said she was looking forward to it and didn’t mind foreign films, and Barry was surprised, considering Japanese cinema from the 80s wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, not to mention that it wasn’t exactly a brief or light choice for a first date. Though in retrospect, Barry realized, maybe Valerie put up with it simply because she liked him.

Afterward Barry drove her home, standing awkwardly in front of her apartment as he tried to will himself to kiss her, making comment after comment regarding background information on Kurosawa and Japanese film with his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. Finally, Valerie grabbed Barry by the front of the shirt. “Oh come _on_ already!” and claimed his lips. They sank into one another on her stoop, hands groping recklessly until a neighbor interrupted them to walk their dog. When Valerie invited him up, Barry couldn’t stop smiling.

Sheathing himself inside of her now, Barry rejoiced in the sensation. To him, it was as if their bodies were molded for one another. Despite his initial social misgivings, things between them in the bedroom were never clunky or uncomfortable. Instantly electric, Valerie’s body came apart beneath his touch, and she knew exactly how to rile him up. 

Snaking his arm between them, Barry began fiddling over her clit as his hips swiveled into Valerie. Planting her heels in the mattress, Valerie undulated her body to meet him, clutching Barry’s expansive shoulders and breathing hard. Coming to a knee, Barry curled his hips at the end of every stroke, managing to tap Valerie’s patch of nerves with his thick cock, moans tumbling from her lips.

“ _Oh Barry! Yes! Fuck me! Yes!”_ Body flickering around him, Barry clapped into Valerie vigorously, twiddling her clit as she pistoned her thighs and drove herself onto his cock.

“ _Fuck, Barry! I’m cumming! Yes! Fuck!”_ Body folding against him, Valerie clawed at Barry’s shoulders and she seized, legs locking behind his back.

“Oh _fuck…”_ Barry wanted to make it last, wanted to draw it out and revel in their last time together. But the warm, wet pressure of Valerie’s body, combined with the divine pitch of her desire and her ethereal beauty proved overwhelming. Cradling her face in both of his hands, Barry rested his forehead to hers, panting into her open mouth as his hips leapt forward.

“ _Val! Val! Yes!”_ Barry whimpered, hopelessly trying to keep his eyes open, to stare into their green depths as he rocketed forward. Movements growing erratic, Barry’s finger’s clung to Valerie’s face. “ _I love you! I love you, Val!”_

Staring up at him, at Barry’s scrunching face, his body above her as whines escaped his parted lips and she held to his broad back, Valerie hesitated. “Barry...I…”

Tensing, Barry stilled, and with a shuddering moan his cum pulsing into Valerie, Barry’s hips darting forward before he relaxed.

Barry stayed on top of Valerie until he went soft, kissing her cheek, her chin, her lips. Maybe, just maybe, if Barry could lose himself inside of her, death wouldn’t find him.

But as he rolled off, gathering Valerie into his arms, Barry knew he would never put her in that kind of danger. Holding her near and absorbing her presence, Valerie’s fingers wove through Barry’s dark chest hair as she gradually drifted. Knowing sleep was an unlikely companion, Barry silently watched Valerie in her slumber, picking away sweaty strands of red hair from her peaceful face and smiling as her eyes darted back and forth beneath the lids, hoping she was gifted with pleasant dreams.

As the sun rose on his definitive day, Barry crept out of bed, donning his clothes. Gazing at Valerie’s unconscious form, Barry didn’t want to risk waking her, but he couldn’t resist placing one last kiss to her forehead, tears dropping to her ivory cheek as he lowered his lips to her ear. 

“I’ll always love you, Val.” Barry whispered.

Stirring gently, Valerie’s hand twitched but she didn’t rise as Barry walked away, pausing at the door and taking in the image of her beloved body, clutching it close to his heart as he left.

Blinking against the sunlight streaming in through the room, Valerie stretched, reaching out an arm. Finding empty space beside her, she sat up in alarm. “Barry?” No response. Valerie threw back the covers and dashed naked around her apartment, but all the rooms were devoid of Barry’s tall, smiling form. Dragging herself back to bed, Valerie laid down on her side, and clutching a pillow close, she began to sob. For Valerie knew in her soul she would never see Barry again, and she never got the chance to tell him she loved him, too.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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